What is Clarification?

A key to active, engaged listening is clarifying what the other person has said. This also relates to paraphrasing in a way, but whereas paraphrasing is more like a re-statement of what the person has just said in order to demonstrate one’s understanding, clarification is where you ask questions on any points that seem vague or muddy to you.

In relationships, clarification is key to opening up the emotional pathways that we all need in order to love and sustain one another. Clarification can be as simple as saying, “What did you mean by that, honey?”

What is Effective Feedback?

Feedback is something that we all give, whether we are aware of it or not. It is basically a response to what has just been said. Feedback can be negative, in which case it usually leads to an argument or worse, or effective, in which case it is positive and allows the dialogue to continue in a productive fashion.

It should be noted that feedback is the third part of effective listening. You should only give feedback once you have fully understood what your lover has said to you.

What is more, the way in which the feedback is given can determine a lot in the relationship. If you are mean, judgmental, or attacking when you give feedback, then chances are great that you will do a lot of damage to the relationship.

While you want to be honest about your emotions up front, you should do it in a way that is supportive. Remember – your lover has feelings, too. If you hurt those feelings, then you are effectively pushing your lover away, rather than bringing them closer to you.

Once again, when giving feedback, it is of vital importance to pay close attention to one’s body language. A lot of times, body language will prevail over the words you speak. If you are angry, then your body will express that anger, even if your words attempt to convey it. This is why it is important to be relaxed and in a positive mood when giving feedback. Empathy is key here – a good listener knows that. Hopefully, your lover will also know how to treat you with respect and listen carefully to you when you are giving them feedback.

First Page: Listening Skills - Listening in Relationships