The best way in dealing with anger is to know its cause. Although there are many techniques for anger management, some of them might not work as expected since they do not deal with the cause of anger. When a person starts to realize the cause of his anger, the techniques or anger management options would be a lot easier to implement and anger could be easily controlled.
For example, a person bottles his emotion just to avoid conflict. This often happens when he is asked to do something and agrees to do it even though he does not want to do it. The person only agreed to do the task to avoid conflict or confrontation. By bottling emotions, frustration and stress could easily develop. Instead of gaining an advantage by keeping the emotional feelings, the person ends up a lot more stressed which could lead to emotional problems.
From the previously mentioned example, you will notice that the cause of the problem is that the person avoids conflict at the expense of frustration and stress. To effectively deal with these emotions, a person has to know how to be assertive in the right way in order to convey his or her emotions without triggering conflict between two parties.
Communication and Conflict
Communication and conflict are related to each other in the sense that communication could lead to conflict as much as conflict could lead to communication. Communication between two individuals could easily lead to conflict especially when there is no middle ground or a point where each party understands and could relate to.
On the other hand, conflict can easily lead to communication since this is the only way that two troubled parties could resolve their anger without resorting to physical violence.
Communication is very important in dealing with different emotional issues especially anger as it could open up the person for better understanding. Through communication, a person could also express himself which could easily diffuse frustrations, anger, stress and other emotional trouble.
More than Just Talk
But merely talking about your emotions to avoid conflict is not the right way to diffuse emotional problems. As already indicated, proper communication is required so that each party would have a clear understanding. You will most likely end up more frustrated and angry if the communication is not done well. You need to implement assertive communication to be understood.
Aside from assertive communication, the physical aspect when talking to another person for an assertive communication should also be considered. Looking straight to the eye will always convey the message clearly. The tone of your voice should also be controlled to prevent the idea that you are conveying an angry message.
The following is a recommended strategy on how you can effectively convey your message with understanding. When conveying this message, use first person pronouns (I, we) instead of using 2nd or 3rd person pronouns (you, they) so that you do not sound blaming someone else for your troubles.
The Feeling Stage – The first step in properly conveying your emotion is to tell them how you feel. This should give your listeners a good idea on your current situation.
Pointing to Specific Situation – Inform the person what triggers the said emotions. Although you can be general about the activities, you should be as specific as possible to provide a good example. By being specific, you will also increase understanding since they can easily relate to a specific event.
Reason for Emotions – After stating how you feel towards a specific event, let them know the reason. Emotions are always triggered by events. However, there are underlying reasons why a person feels this way. By being honest and clear about the reason, understanding could be achieved.
State What You Need – Close everything by stating what you need to do or what needs to be done by others. At this point, everyone now understands your situation and would be glad to help you with your troubles.
Of course, this technique is not fool-proof. Sometimes, this technique will not work as expected. Make sure that what you say could be easily heard with the right tone so that you could convey your message well and avoid misunderstanding.