Controlling Your Emotions is Key
Humans are emotional creatures, and this emotion often gets them into trouble. When you are dealing with people on a personal level, and especially a business level, it is always critical to keep your emotions in check.
Assertive people tend to be the masters of this art. When they feel someone is treating them poorly, they can let this be known without resorting to aggression. Being too emotional in business is always a bad thing. You must be able to state your terms in a manner which is professional and clear.
Another mistake that people make, especially those who are passive, is thinking that they do not have a great deal of choice when it comes to the way you act. This is completely incorrect. You are a human being who has a right to your own body or mind, and you can act in any manner you choose to.
When you feel that you "cannot control the way you act," other people will control you. People who are aggressive are often famous for having bad tempers. It takes little to make them explode, and if they even think you are disrespecting them, they will let you know it, often in an aggressive way.
The problem with those who have bad tempers is that they are easily manipulated. Once you know what buttons to push, you can push an ill tempered individual to do something that they will later regret.
A person who blows up easily is a person who is not in control of their life, no matter how much it appears they are. A person who is in control is more often than not a person who is cool, calm, and very collective.
While they may become angry when they are offended, this anger grows slowly, and they do not allow it to consume them.
How to be Firm Without Being Rude
Being firm without being rude can be thought of as being an art in itself. The assertive person is someone who is a master of this art. One technique for being firm without being rude is the "mirror effect."
Most people hate it when a person mimics their actions and words, but this technique can be used to give people a dose of their own medicine. For example, lets say you work in an office next to someone, and you one day notice that they are leaving traces of trash near your cubicle.
You are naturally irritated by this, and you have the option of confronting the person about it in a hostile way. Aggressive people would do this, while passive people would ignore the situation or put the trash in the trash can without saying anything.
In contrast, someone who uses the mirror effect would begin leaving trash in the other person’s cubicle area. If this person complains about it, you can respond by calmly saying that you were just showing them what it is like to have trash in their cubicle area, since they have been doing the same to you.
In most cases, the person will get it, especially if you are calm about it. As the famous Spanish writer Baltasar Gracian said, "the truth of seen, rarely heard".
If you can show people that you are firm without being aggressive, then you will become a master of not only your personal relationships, but your business relationships as well. While some would say it is rude to leave trash in the other person’s cubicle, this is not necessarily true when you are simply giving them a taste of their own medicine.
Being Assertive Brings you Respect
When you are assertive, people tend to have a lot of respect for you. They will respect you because you are an individual who will not allow yourself to be pushed around, but you refrain from offending others at the same time.
For many people, being assertive is a skill that will take a lot of practice. It is not something that you should expect to become good at overnight. But once you master this skill, there will be few limits to the type of success you can achieve, regardless of the field you enter.